hmm mmm mmm

Oh well. Apparently my mandarin is not good enough. Can't do it.

Sigh. I don't have the job. =(

That's ok. =) No worries.

Nothing I cannot handle, right?

Training

Yesterday and today I have been training as a receptionist at the sleep and heart clinic in Ashfield. It takes me an hour to commute here, so it's very far. I'm here right now, on lunch break. I'm also damn nervous because my role requires me to speak mandarin to patients who cannot speak english. I have never had to speak mandarin for an official matter, so even though I am now able to carry a conversation in mandarin, it still scares me to pick up the phone and speak on behalf of a company... in chinese!!!!

They won't hire me unless I can do this. Can I? Tarc friends, this is what talking to you in mandarin has prepared me for LOL.

I should be able to.... sigh. Tell me that I can. Give me the confidence that I need. I confirmed two patients just now in mandarin. I thought I wouldn't be able to do that, but they were really grandmotherly haha and it went well. :) I CAN DO THIS!!!!

I will be left on my own tomorrow. Hope that all goes well.

Uni starts next week. I have only two classes on though. It would probably be good to be back. I am so broke I cannot afford to go out anymore.

I hope the study skills thing goes well and I will be hired to take some classes. It would really help me, and I know i'll enjoy it. OET is hiring me for the next one day test event, so everything is going well I hope.

I had a good winter break, I actually had a lot of fun, ate a lot of good food and went out a lot. =) Would post some pictures up when I have them. My camera has very bad mood swings (will only switch on when it feels like being nice to me).

I am also learning to let go. Shouldn't matter that you're now thinking of someone else. Shouldn't matter. Shouldn't. Doesn't.

I'll just keep myself busy. All is well.

All those words

All those words... are short lived. They don't mean anything anymore. I think I would need to disappear for awhile.

It's strange how one tries to keep from getting hurt, and ends up doing the most ridiculous stuff and feeling exactly the way one was trying to keep oneself from feeling.

Oh I fell. Pretty hard. Just don't want to admit it.

Strange. It's stupid waiting for... nothing. Wishing for... nothing. Knowing that... nothing. NOTHING. NOTHING. nothing.

I just wanna dance the night away. Don't wanna care. Don't wanna think. Don't wanna feel. Just want the numbness to sink in.

All the words. They don't mean anything. Not anymore.

Whatever

Had a weird night lol.

Was good at the end. So tired.

Things are really looking up. It's a happy day. =)

Bleeding

Going out. Laughing. Making new friends. Seeing old friends. Having a good time.

But when I come back, only a few lines, a few words, and it feels sucky.

Never knew words can cut so deep.



Bleeding. bleeding. bleeding.

I wish...

That I could make you smile like I once did.

"xi huan shi qian qian de ai. ai shi shen shen de xi huan"

lu guo wo mei na me xi huan ni, wei shen me na me nan fang xia?
Zhen de dui bu qi ni. Ni mei ke neng hui zhi dao wo xin li xiang de hua.
Wo hao xi huan ni, mei na me shen dan shi mei na me qian. Xian zai wo men dou mei you ji hui.

Wo hen xiang nian ni. Ni dou wang ji le wo. Wei shen me wo hai zai zhe li xiang ni?

Lu guo wo neng gou zuan hui shi jian, wo hui hao hao zhen xi ni. Now it's just too late.

Sorry for the pin yin. I don't know how to type in chinese.

pointless