to never never land

Never been so busy. Never have eaten so many mangoes in one shot. Never felt so stressed yet so motivated. Life is a series of complications, but in spite of all the hard work and the time constraints, in the end it is all worth it. When you see the fruits of your labour, you'll smile of relief when it's all over, and deep down there you know, its your work, its your effort that made it all possible. As your dreams unfold itself to reality in front of you, you will realise nothing is more satisfying. Nothing is more pleasing. Nothing feels as fulfilling. You deserve it.

When everything screams for priority, and the pressure is there to give them all 100%, sometimes I start to wonder if I am really capable of it all. Today is the last day for me to study for Monday's forensic chemistry and biology exam. Tomorrow, I am heading for a day's workshop for the Young Entrepreneur's Award. Then I'm checking in at Eastin and have the public speaking workshop training camp over the weekends. I'm supposed to have an improved speech by now, but even though I put as much time as I can spare into it, what is there right now is still something that I am not satisfied with. Furthermore, I haven't restructured the speech in my head. It's still the old one, and it just won't do. I'm coming back on Sunday evening. Just enough time to scan through the notes one last time and sit for exam on Monday. Then I have to make my passport the day after. That leaves me with two more days to study for the next exam. After that, I have around a week to prepare for both the international public speaking comp and also the young entrepreneurs award finals. For that, I am sacrificing a class trip to penang. A little sad, but I've been thinking and rethinking about it, and even if I might be able to manage squeezing it in, I would probably die in the process, or at least be exhausted. That's almost akin to being dead, for the competitions require focus, preparation and being alert. Lacking sleep will not be a good thing. Ah. Just had to make further improvements on my speech. It's already 5.37pm. I still need to finish studying today. This is totally CRAZY. Only a superwoman can do all of this and still excel in them. But I can do it. There is no other option.

I have learnt to not doubt myself, because it is with doubt that I lose my footing and I fall. This time, I am older and wiser, and I know that somehow someway I will pull through, and I will give it all that I have. That is what is most important right now at this very moment. It's about putting all my heart into what I do, and the results themselves will show the effort behind. I will not give up. I will not lose the motivation. For once in my life, I will not complain of the stress and the lack of time. I will make it work, and I will make it work well.

I think I'm just trying to convince myself. Whatever.