Depressed

The waves come crashing over me. Over and over again as I struggle to stand. When I finally do, the next wave knocks me down again. I am tired. I try so hard to fight this, but the forces are pushing me against my dwindling strength.

The water keeps choking me, I'm drowning, struggling, gasping as the liquid fills my lungs, overwhelmed. My mind goes blank, my heart pumps faster. I feel helpless.

The pounding of warm water against skin, dripping down the strands of wet hair, crouching in a foetal-like position. Sobbing so hard, the ends of my fingers are numb, the edges of my lips are quivering.

I feel so small. So lost.

Cold

The weather has gone crazy. It's too cold. I don't like the cold.

Give me back the warmth... in more ways than one.

Do you know...

Do you know how hard it is...

Smiling and laughing...
Shutting things out...
Engrossing one's self in work
Putting full attention in a movie to not think about anything else...
Typing but not being able to say what it feels inside...
Lying down awake in bed thinking...
Hiding my feelings even from myself...
Ignoring the emptiness...
Ignoring the silence....
Ignoring everything...

Do you know how hard it is?

Suddenly changing everything I said I would...
Just to feel better...
Just to tell myself that I am better than that...

Do you know how hard it is?

To reach out randomly...
To choke but hold back the spasms..
To shower in the hottest water the skin can stand...
Just to wash away everything...
Everything...

Do you know how hard it is?

I resolve to make my life worthwhile. To make my time here worthwhile. To do all the things that can make me hold my head up high.

And forget.

On a lighter note, shutting things out and smiling at the world makes me realise how many people are always there for me. I swear without all of you I would be in pieces. PIECES.

Thank you. I will always take comfort in the fact that my world is so beautiful because of all the people around me. =)

Red skies

I woke up this morning, and the sky was ORANGE. Dust storm alert!! There's a layer of dust over everything in the room, and a thick mist of dust obscures vision. Looks like the after-effects of a bomb or something. ;p

Apparently this is caused by a cold front approaching Adelaide today and tracks east across NSW. The temperature is expected to be like 10 degrees lower than yesterday and strong winds are predicted.

After being stuck in uni last night because of the rain, I am concluding that the weather these few days have gone crazy.

It's interesting how my body is able to adapt to these fluctuations of temperature easily. I used to feel SOOOOO cold with a 1-2 degree drop in temperature. Now I'm not hot when it gets warm, and not really cold either when the temperature drops.

Spring may bring crazy weather changes but I still like spring, because no matter what it's a lot warmer than winter.

Answer me

I do not understand people with the XY chromosome.

Why can't they just turn into Drosophilas?! At least they are much better understood.

I think I like innocent people.

But I also have a feeling that they don't exist.

Salad craze!!!

I spend like 47 dollars in the supermarket yesterday just buying ingredients for the salad + fruits... sooooo EXPENSIVE!!!!

Mwahaha. I made my own salad. Yum yum.

Mixed leaves + kidney beans + chickpeas + butter beans + raisins + carrot + cherry tomato + tuna+ kiwi fruit + french dressing + mango (an afterthought lol)

Sooooo yummy!!! :D :D :D :D And healthy hehe.

Mid semester break

I am back from my Brisbane/Gold Coast trip but too lazy to post stuff up. Go look at my facebook, all the photos are there :)

It was a good holiday but all my uni work is piling up. 4 assignments due next week!!!!! @_@

I should not be blogging right now.

Life is awesome and I've been in a really good mood these few days. Sometimes it takes a change in perception to really see things the way they are, and to really appreciate the people that you have in your life. Knowing and understanding how blessed I am makes life just amazing.

The weather is getting better, it's springtime and its warmer. I like. =) I'm changing my lifestyle. Early to bed, early to rise. I have been waking up at 8-9 am every morning for the past week!! So proud of myself. I even went jogging yesterday. And instead of craving for a brownie, I craved for a salad.

~Interesting~

Oh and just a note, screw you.

But then again, thank you. haha.

Cheers!

ZZZzzzzZZZZzzzZZZZzzz