Do you know how hard it is...
Smiling and laughing...
Shutting things out...
Engrossing one's self in work
Putting full attention in a movie to not think about anything else...
Typing but not being able to say what it feels inside...
Lying down awake in bed thinking...
Hiding my feelings even from myself...
Ignoring the emptiness...
Ignoring the silence....
Ignoring everything...
Do you know how hard it is?
Suddenly changing everything I said I would...
Just to feel better...
Just to tell myself that I am better than that...
Do you know how hard it is?
To reach out randomly...
To choke but hold back the spasms..
To shower in the hottest water the skin can stand...
Just to wash away everything...
Everything...
Do you know how hard it is?
I resolve to make my life worthwhile. To make my time here worthwhile. To do all the things that can make me hold my head up high.
And forget.
On a lighter note, shutting things out and smiling at the world makes me realise how many people are always there for me. I swear without all of you I would be in pieces. PIECES.
Thank you. I will always take comfort in the fact that my world is so beautiful because of all the people around me. =)
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