Sometimes I am ok, I can still laugh, I can still make stupid jokes and laugh at it myself, amusing myself with the facial expressions on other people's face. I laugh because I am amused that they don't know how to react, they don't know what to do or say that's right, they are scared to hurt me further, they want to be there for me, and I am making jokes that does not seem a normal state of someone who should be an emotional wreck. You see them pause, looking confused for a moment, don't know how to react, then they will laugh because I can't stop laughing, at amusing myself with my jokes, getting amused at their reactions. They will then be amused that I am amused and then they will laugh and shake their head, and think that I am alright, I'm still as crazy as ever. I am alright, I am still me, but I am hurting, I am hurting deep down inside, a hurt that runs so deep, but I am standing against it. I will not let the hurt bring me down. I will not let my emotions tear me apart. Thank you friends for being there. You don't need to know what to do or what to say, you can whisper I don't know what to do to the other person in the room and I will just feel amused. :) I love you guys, love you to bits. Love that I have so many people who are there for me when I need someone. Love to know that my true friends are a lot a lot a lot more than I give myself credit for. Thank you all for being there.
Emotions are ridiculous. Before a relationship, you wonder if you should love. You don't want to hurt. Slowly, you put down your guard, and you start to believe. You start to believe that loving is worth risking getting hurt. Then when you hurt again, you think, maybe it's not worth loving to get hurt. The conclusion is, don't think so much. The excuse is, but I can't help myself. The reply is, then go get a life. The truth is, it's not so simple.
No comments:
Post a Comment