Saturday, May 31, 2008

Metaphorically speaking

The night air is still and the hostel grounds unusually silent. It's Saturday night and amidst the constant background hum of some insects, there is the quietness that chills the air further. Everyone is either out or back home, and here I am procrastinating tasks for another day. Sitting crossed legged till my feet turns numb, my mind rambles on in questions. I cannot read the minds of others, nor can I even grasp enough of my own thoughts to understand them. I am afraid of letting myself fall into a place that I swore I wouldn't ever go again, but I feel it creeping up, and I cannot stop the cascades of thoughts. An abyss near impossible of getting out of once you've fallen in. And there you are standing at the cliff, and someone tells you that beyond the chasm there is a whole new world that will open up to you, if only you take that plunge. And you stand there thinking, is it a door to possibilities or is it just a deep hole that will suck out all the emotions left in you? That leaves you wandering around, a lost soul, hollow to the bone, chills upon chills, broken and empty. A place you fought so hard to leave, locking them away in the recesses of your mind. Are you going to let it resurface and open it up again? In a different situation, in a different circumstance. But no one knows, would the outcome too be different? Or would history repeat itself, dark and turbulent, crashing upon the shores of your thoughts and tearing you apart? I cannot predict the future, and neither can you.. but would you take that chance?

They say you test the waters first before you go in. But what if the waters are down there below the hundreds of feet that you have to fall through first? Would you? Or would you hold back and wonder, wonder when later down the road, if you've missed the opportunity?

But now, standing there on the cliff, you wonder, is this an opportunity, or is this plain stupidity? Jumping down the cliff might just be exactly as it looks, suicidal. Perhaps the thoughts are merely thoughts, and thoughts are just imagination concocted by your over-imaginative mind. But maybe, just maybe, you are not alone.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Nocturnal instincts create stubbornness of staying up and typing another post

When you meet someone for the first time do you spend time after that wondering what sort of impression you made? What if I talked too much? What if I talked to little? What if the things I said were weird? What if I had odd habits that I don't even know about? What if I sounded stupid? What if I was an extreme bore? What if I came off as too self centered? What if I spoke too loud? What if this and that?

They say... you never get a 2nd chance to make a good first impression.

Damn scary. I was intimidated. I still am.

Intricacies of life

Ever wondered if things happen merely by chance, or is it by fate? Ever wondered if every decision you make is the beginning of the road that has already been set, that the only thing that you have within your power is to choose which road to take, when all the different journeys are already panned out based on every turn and every choice that you make. I remember amidst all the panic when Tracey got temporary amnesia from the knock she received during the basketball game once, that whenever we give same answers to her repeated questions, she will reply the same thing. But if we were to give different answers, her reply will be different. It set me thinking. Are we all somehow subconsciously preprogrammed to actually do a certain action or say a certain something under a certain situation instead of having that so called free will and free mind to choose? I was just wondering if even in the process of "choosing" are we merely making a "choice" that is intrinsic to our nature? That even if we spend less time worrying and less time mulling and less time thinking, we would subsequently make that decision because that is simply, fate. Do you believe in fate? What is fate? Is it merely a superstition or can it be theoretically sound? What if fate is not a belief but it is just like a computer programme of chessmaster. Where millions (more, for our brains) of strategies are formulated for every sort of situation, and is constantly improving and upgrading with the environmental stimulus. And whenever a problem is faced, all the integration is done up there in our minds, and the decision of action made is based on the information stored and the strategies pre-formulated even before the actual situation arises. What if in our brains right now are all those strategies that we never even consciously think of before, ready to rise to action should the situation call for it. Just like our army of white blood cells. Constantly at vigilance, alert and ready to fight. Perhaps our minds are just like that too.

I didn't plan to pen this post about another one of my theories. :P I meant to write about something else but my fingers tend to have a will of their own. Sometimes it feels like information goes straight to my fingers even before going through my thoughts, they come out on paper, or in this case on the computer screen, and I only digest the things I write out after they have presented themselves to me. I wonder if other people are like that.

I meant to write about well, fate. yes. Have you ever just stood back a moment and suddenly think how amazing it is that somehow by chance you know the people that you know. I seldom think of that, but today suddenly it just pops up in my mind. In the recent few weeks, I have met many new people. People that I would never have met otherwise. By chance or by arrangement, perhaps it is by fate. Suddenly, I remember by previous roommate on the first day we met and became roommates two years ago. I remember she was saying something like how lucky she feels because we would not have met and became friends any other way, and it is just coincidentally that we have been assigned the same room. She might have meant something else, as my mandarin was really half past six then, but I remember that was the idea that I got from her. Now, two years after, it comes back to me. We are lucky, every person that we meet along the way. Every addition to our lives. I believe that everyone we know, no matter if we know them well, or if we just chanced by them, somehow someway they have made an impact big or small. I remember reading something somewhere saying that the people in this world are like interconnected strings in a musical instrument. When one is strummed somewhere, the rest of the string hums in resonance. Somehow we are all affected by what's around us and perhaps what you do will change a life. You'd never know. Perhaps the person you just knew today would end up being the person who means the most to you. Perhaps the person you accidentally knocked into would end up being someone you would need to depend on. Perhaps the nicest person you know now will turn around and stab you in your back. Can you predict the future? Can you predict the people? Minds are impossible to understand especially when the heart part of the mind comes into play. Emotions are what makes humans human. But it is also what causes the most powerful change and impact in mankind. It is through the strongest emotions of love and hate that the world is shaped as it is. Even the most realistic, clear mind is constantly clouded by emotions. And the odd thing is, what controls our emotions are our minds. Linguistically, people tend to separate the mind and the heart. But biologically, hearts just pump blood throughout the body. Yet, I find one odd thing to happen when I am really upset or emo. It tends to hurt somewhere near the heart. I'm not sure if it is just all in the mind, or that one feels so hurt mentally that the anguish transforms to a physical pain that one can almost feel literally. Perhaps it is because that does not come to pass so physical to our pain receptors, and that is why many people resort to hurting themselves when the pain in their minds is so great. Maybe its because if feels like real physical pain will numb the pain inside, and maybe override it. I think it it something with the stress hormones that make people who are emotionally unstable to withstand a lot more physical pain than usual. Why then can one cut oneself? Would you do that when you are happy? It would be very difficult to do so. Even if you are sadistic by nature.

I honestly don't know where my fingers are taking me to today. There are lots of things in my mind that are churning itself. In awe, in wonderment of the intricacies of life. And I wonder, really wonder. If I just sit here in my room typing this, would it ever somehow someway make a difference. Would a click of the mouse, a sentence said, a new friend made, a hello, a goodbye, an sms, a phone call, an email, how much can a small gesture make a difference?

Think about it. Have you ever gotten a hey how are you doing? i miss u! msg when you are feeling emo and suddenly the world seems brighter? Who knows maybe if you feel like getting in touch with someone, just do that instead of leaving it to another day.. and you would never know how much that could actually turn things around.

I really don't know how fate works. Or if that fate exists. But I believe that somehow someway it does exist and the complexity of it makes us less of a robot with a preprogrammed destination but more of a flexible versatile being that is changeable by the outside world and yet amazingly fate also plays its part in the different pathways laid out to us, perhaps with laid out journeys, intertwined and interlocking. Perhaps. Just perhaps.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Freaked out

I took a bus back today after being scared out of my wits by horror stories of people getting chopped up and raped and murdered by taxi drivers. After my heated encounter with one horrid, reckless driver who ripped me off by almost 100% the fare with his lousy played-with meter, I became a paranoid wreck. It doesn't help when everyone takes gleeful delight in filling me with those nasty tales. I was TERRIFIED when I came back today, late at night, alone. I don't know why, but the insides of me were just freaked out, and I somehow felt like I sensed a presence in the misty fog that enveloped the air. The footsteps were only mine, but it was like in the shadowy grey of the bushes at the sides of the road hid unspeakable horrors.

I had to walk the 20 minutes back to my room from where the bus stopped. The chill of the late night wind and the frogs croaking and the hum of insects as an aftermath of rain was like from the spooky scenes in a horror movie, that builds suspense to a more vengeful side of the evilness of the world. Moreover, the moon was almost fully round, and it was around sixty degrees from the horizon, either rising or setting, large and deep yellow, almost orange. The shadows on the moon could be seen clearly. The silhouettes of leaves and branches were cast on the walkway and spontaneously, my heart just started beating quicker than it usually would. I was scared of the late night sky, and the freakiness of the atmosphere. Suddenly a "WOOI!" out of nowhere making me jump! Damn, just some guys in a passing car.

I managed to reach my room safe and sound. In time for a midnight cold shower in the silent hostel bathroom with rows of empty cubicles and a row of large mirrors against the white sinks.

I know it's not sensible, it's psychological. I am typing all of this in the dark right now, as my roommate is sleeping. It's 2.16 am right now (disregard "time of post", I don't know what time they're using, its not msian time)

Friday, May 23, 2008

You wouldn't believe it.

Meiyi did not sleep last night because....

SHE WATCHED FOOTBALL!!!!!

Ah yes. Meiyi watched Man U vs Chelsea battle it out in Luszniki Stadium in Moscow, while sipping apple + orange and also watermelon juice at some makan place at wangsa which was open throughout. They had the big screen and the sports channel was projected on it.

believe it. I watched football. And I enjoyed it! haha

Unbelievable, doesn't that sound? Football and me doesn't really come hand in hand. But I admit, it was fun =) I guess I finally realised why ppl can go crazy when that ball goes into that net. I never knew the excitement of this little ball you kick around. Now I know hehe

Another note for my observation eye. EVERYONE was rooting for Man U!!! Haha cheers all around when the goalkeeper made the SAVE of the penalty that gave the win to MANCHESTER UNITED!!! whoopee! haha can't help being caught up in all the excitement too! =)

Monday, May 19, 2008

Young Entrepreneurs Award - 13th May 2008

The very next day after I came back from London, I had to focus on the Young Entrepreneurs Award competition. I was very worried about being tired and jet lagged and all, but the good news was that I wasn't. In fact, amusingly, at the competition itself, Eric looked more tired than I was. He attributes that to missing his afternoon nap, and how the hype of competitions drains energy as it uses up adrenaline. Makes it sound almost like a sport.

YEA is a business plan writing competition that has 3 rounds. Honestly, in the beginning the only thing that captured my interest was the attractive grand prize of RM 10,000 and a trip to Hong Kong to participate in the regional finals with other countries! And the subsequent prizes were pretty good too. Three top teams win trips to Hong Kong (but only the gold winners get to compete) and cash prizes! My eyes were all filled with $$ signs. Damn materialistic I'm turning haha.

The first submission was way back in december last year, where we had to submit a business idea. The task was simple. A 1000 word essay which just needs to be emailed. Little did we know how much work the next submission was going to be. Suddenly we found ourselves having to complete an actual business plan that is feasible and viable in the commercial market. We had to do market analysis, financial statements, risk analysis and all sorts of business stuff that we really do not know how to do. In fact, before this, I had no idea what a business plan really meant.

Nevertheless, I took this as an opportunity to learn what would, I believe, be extremely useful in the future. Round 2 came at a perfect time, the deadline to hand in was march, and I had the whole month of in February for my semester break. It was Chinese New Year then, and so I went back home to KK. The first week was of course the typical traditional chinese new year celebrations and the next few weeks was all about the business plan and preparing for the public speaking competition. I sacrificed almost my whole semester break pouring through books, reading things up online, researching, and asking people for advice. It took a whole lot of effort and work and time just to get a few pages done. I flew back to KL for the new term at the end of the month, and the first week of the term was madly rushing to complete the business plan. I was so agitated because it wasn't complete and there were holes and glitches here and there. Eric and I spent sleepless nights just to make everything fall into place. Finally after the last minute panicking and rushing, we finally got everything together and submitted it in by hand. I breathed a sigh of relief and also feel quite a sense of accomplishment when I got the sms from Eric saying that he has handed in the 10 copies of the business plan as required. Finally, the hardest part of the competition is over.

We had no idea if we would be able to get through to the next round. We have worked very hard but we really don't know where our standard is simply because there is nothing for us to compare it too. I am a science student majoring in chem and bio. Eric is a pure law student who doesn't even know the concept of assets and liabilities (well I think he does now :P) But we crossed our fingers. Eric, the excited one was really hyped up about it. I, on the other hand, the calm one, was just waiting for the results.

And when the news came that we got to the finals, I was ecstatic! I knew the timing was really tight, since I had my final exams then there was the public speaking and straight after is the YEA finals. It's a good thing that the last round was not as time consuming as the 2nd. This time around we had to give a business presentation. Which worked really well. We co-ordinated well as a team and the presentation went well. My brain was not frozen the way I thought it would be, so I was quite happy with that.
Before the competition, testing out the equipment

That was a good start. Eric speaks

Now Meiyi speaks

The other teams:

The winning team with Vermilizer. WORMS!!!

Bronze prize winner: Capital Youths Enterprise

Team Epsilon

Extreme Bros

Dinner!

Silver Award - we are going to HONG KONG!!!


Their trophies look really good! =)

All in all it was a really good experience, and I made new friends too =) Now I am going to retire from competitions for the time being. It IS exhausting. Looking forward to Hong Kong in June!!

Friday, May 16, 2008

11th May 2008 - Day 6 - 12 May 2008 Arrival in KL -- Fastest time ever (least number of hours) for two days

Last day in London. Well, not actually a whole day. Basically I woke up and flew back to Malaysia. I was so paranoid about waking up late and missing the plane that I woke up in the middle of the night just to check the time. The funny thing was that my phone was still set to Malaysian time while my watch was London time, and it was my phone that was on the bed and the watch far far away on the table. It was too tiresome to walk all the way to the table to check my watch so I had to like do calculations in my head. "12.45pm minus 7" to get the time. It was so weird! Imagine me in my sleepy state doing math in my head just to know the time.

Goodbye Premier Inn.
The short stay was really very comfortable, even though it was difficult to get there.

Took a bus to the airport which was "right next to" the hotel. I got there early, despite my paranoid-ness. No I am not going to miss my flight, I breathe a sigh of relief after I checked in, problem-free. After checking in and going through security, I had to give up my sole bottle of drinking water, and even take off shoes for scanning! Then I shopped at a duty-free store and basically spent the rest of my allowance. I had so much left over from the days before, I was so proud of myself for spending so little in a city so tempting for shopping. Alas, with the duty free store + sourvenir store, the rest of my allowance was GONE. haha. I even got myself a T-shirt! Not one of those famous I heart London tho =p But a really unique (or at least I thought so, I might be deadly wrong) nice one with purple words "London" and "UK" sequined.

The souvenirs:
One of my more favourite ones =) Too lazy to post them all one by one.

All of them =)

Hanging around the airport stores, the signs and words on cigarette packets amused me. Perhaps since the TAK NAK campaign has failed back home, they should try something like this.


Goodbye Heathrow


Malaysia, I am coming back home.

Goodbye London (as seen from plane)

Took photos in the plane of the journey from London to Malaysia.
It was not a full flight, so I got a whole row to myself! I could curl up with a blanket and 3 pillows. =) It was so cool, they showed the map and the journey the plane takes as if flies from London to Malaysia. Suddenly, I was absolutely fascinated by the geography of it (very surprising, I remember being absolutely delighted to discard the subject after form 3 when it wasn't offered in my school for upper secondary).
It was due to meeting so many people from all over the world. I noticed the places that the rest came from as I flew over Europe and other parts of Asia. Suddenly, these foreign countries had faces linked to them, as I recalled new friends and new faces and new names to these countries. No longer is the world huge and strange and foreign.For once, I had truly and international experience, even though all I went to was one city for less than a week. Nothing more can be more invaluable and more enriching than this.
Flying over Europe

Now, have you ever seen rice shaped pasta? I haven't. Now I have =p Haha this was my lunch.

Dessert! What berries are these? I have never seen them b4 lol


Twilight came really quickly in the plane. I just woke up in the morning
not long ago, and now its dusk =p

Sunset from the plane. =)

Caspian sea! I want to watch Narnia!! =p

Finally my hands are starting to be steady. A clear photograph, no flash =)

And this is breakfast. Haha. Breakfast at dinner time London, breakfast time Malaysia.

Dawn came really fast too.

My batteries ran out just as I reached KL. Pity, couldn't get a sharp photo. Wanted a snapshot of KLIA as the last photo, but oh well. Note to the rest of you Malaysians: I never really appreciated it till now but KLIA is a really nice airport. Especially if you compare it to where I left from. =p

Home sweet home. I'm supposed to feel sleepy right now, but apparently, I don't get jet lag. Tried to close my eyes to sleep on the journey in the van back to the hostel but I couldn't sleep! Oh well, my eyes see the sun and I guess it told my body its not sleeping time!

Went back to the hostel. Unpacked. Washed clothes. Met brother for lunch then went off to look for Eric. Had to prepare for tomorrow's competition! It is now 12th May 2008. Young Entrepreneur's Awards finals tomorrow!!