Intricacies of life

Ever wondered if things happen merely by chance, or is it by fate? Ever wondered if every decision you make is the beginning of the road that has already been set, that the only thing that you have within your power is to choose which road to take, when all the different journeys are already panned out based on every turn and every choice that you make. I remember amidst all the panic when Tracey got temporary amnesia from the knock she received during the basketball game once, that whenever we give same answers to her repeated questions, she will reply the same thing. But if we were to give different answers, her reply will be different. It set me thinking. Are we all somehow subconsciously preprogrammed to actually do a certain action or say a certain something under a certain situation instead of having that so called free will and free mind to choose? I was just wondering if even in the process of "choosing" are we merely making a "choice" that is intrinsic to our nature? That even if we spend less time worrying and less time mulling and less time thinking, we would subsequently make that decision because that is simply, fate. Do you believe in fate? What is fate? Is it merely a superstition or can it be theoretically sound? What if fate is not a belief but it is just like a computer programme of chessmaster. Where millions (more, for our brains) of strategies are formulated for every sort of situation, and is constantly improving and upgrading with the environmental stimulus. And whenever a problem is faced, all the integration is done up there in our minds, and the decision of action made is based on the information stored and the strategies pre-formulated even before the actual situation arises. What if in our brains right now are all those strategies that we never even consciously think of before, ready to rise to action should the situation call for it. Just like our army of white blood cells. Constantly at vigilance, alert and ready to fight. Perhaps our minds are just like that too.

I didn't plan to pen this post about another one of my theories. :P I meant to write about something else but my fingers tend to have a will of their own. Sometimes it feels like information goes straight to my fingers even before going through my thoughts, they come out on paper, or in this case on the computer screen, and I only digest the things I write out after they have presented themselves to me. I wonder if other people are like that.

I meant to write about well, fate. yes. Have you ever just stood back a moment and suddenly think how amazing it is that somehow by chance you know the people that you know. I seldom think of that, but today suddenly it just pops up in my mind. In the recent few weeks, I have met many new people. People that I would never have met otherwise. By chance or by arrangement, perhaps it is by fate. Suddenly, I remember by previous roommate on the first day we met and became roommates two years ago. I remember she was saying something like how lucky she feels because we would not have met and became friends any other way, and it is just coincidentally that we have been assigned the same room. She might have meant something else, as my mandarin was really half past six then, but I remember that was the idea that I got from her. Now, two years after, it comes back to me. We are lucky, every person that we meet along the way. Every addition to our lives. I believe that everyone we know, no matter if we know them well, or if we just chanced by them, somehow someway they have made an impact big or small. I remember reading something somewhere saying that the people in this world are like interconnected strings in a musical instrument. When one is strummed somewhere, the rest of the string hums in resonance. Somehow we are all affected by what's around us and perhaps what you do will change a life. You'd never know. Perhaps the person you just knew today would end up being the person who means the most to you. Perhaps the person you accidentally knocked into would end up being someone you would need to depend on. Perhaps the nicest person you know now will turn around and stab you in your back. Can you predict the future? Can you predict the people? Minds are impossible to understand especially when the heart part of the mind comes into play. Emotions are what makes humans human. But it is also what causes the most powerful change and impact in mankind. It is through the strongest emotions of love and hate that the world is shaped as it is. Even the most realistic, clear mind is constantly clouded by emotions. And the odd thing is, what controls our emotions are our minds. Linguistically, people tend to separate the mind and the heart. But biologically, hearts just pump blood throughout the body. Yet, I find one odd thing to happen when I am really upset or emo. It tends to hurt somewhere near the heart. I'm not sure if it is just all in the mind, or that one feels so hurt mentally that the anguish transforms to a physical pain that one can almost feel literally. Perhaps it is because that does not come to pass so physical to our pain receptors, and that is why many people resort to hurting themselves when the pain in their minds is so great. Maybe its because if feels like real physical pain will numb the pain inside, and maybe override it. I think it it something with the stress hormones that make people who are emotionally unstable to withstand a lot more physical pain than usual. Why then can one cut oneself? Would you do that when you are happy? It would be very difficult to do so. Even if you are sadistic by nature.

I honestly don't know where my fingers are taking me to today. There are lots of things in my mind that are churning itself. In awe, in wonderment of the intricacies of life. And I wonder, really wonder. If I just sit here in my room typing this, would it ever somehow someway make a difference. Would a click of the mouse, a sentence said, a new friend made, a hello, a goodbye, an sms, a phone call, an email, how much can a small gesture make a difference?

Think about it. Have you ever gotten a hey how are you doing? i miss u! msg when you are feeling emo and suddenly the world seems brighter? Who knows maybe if you feel like getting in touch with someone, just do that instead of leaving it to another day.. and you would never know how much that could actually turn things around.

I really don't know how fate works. Or if that fate exists. But I believe that somehow someway it does exist and the complexity of it makes us less of a robot with a preprogrammed destination but more of a flexible versatile being that is changeable by the outside world and yet amazingly fate also plays its part in the different pathways laid out to us, perhaps with laid out journeys, intertwined and interlocking. Perhaps. Just perhaps.