My ankle hurts

Around a month ago, I twisted my ankle playing basketball.. just a mild sprain I would think, because I could actually walk back fine, barely limping. Then I went about doing all the stuff I usually do. Taking water from the filter downstairs to boil in my jug kettle in my room. Going to the washroom at the end of the corridor. Going downstairs to the canteen. And the next day I woke up and couldn't walk at all. It hurt like hell, but I attributed it to over-exertion the day before. After all how bad can the injury be if I could walk everywhere I wanted to after it got twisted?

The class that I missed was a friday, so I had a weekend to recover. On Mon, I could go back to class so it was okay, I was just limping a little bit. It felt fine, thought it was a pretty fast recovery.

But oddly, it starts to have numbing pain on and off nowadays. Nothing serious. Nothing too painful, but just not normal. Today for example. All I did today was walk a lot in bukit bintang because i took the LOOOONNNGGGG way to pavilion to meet my sis. =( Kept taking the wrong way =( as usual, my lousy sense of direction. Luckily I reached there in time, before her lunch break was over..

My ankle tends to crack a lot too. I 'm not sure what to do with it. It seems ok now. It hurt a little just now. I don't want to see a doctor if I can help it.

It really feels like its not serious.

But it's like those nagging kind of things that are just there mild, but undeniably there.

Sigh. Tomorrow its back to the immigration. Lets hope they are nice to me.

'twas an awesome night

It's almost 5 am, and I just had a cold shower in the hostel =p Doesn't sound very welcoming, but it felt good. Came back from Ruums not long ago. Had an awesome time tonight. Downed a couple of glasses of bacardi (lemon flavoured) which they mixed with sprite/7 up (i can't tell the difference), felt that it tasted like carbonated water, so took a couple of pure shots. It actually tastes pretty good =) Then to the dance floor. To the dance floor =p wheeeee

We met up in Kim Gary Restaurant KLCC before that. Had cheese baked rice and was so full. Took a couple of photos, Tracey's battery ran low, and we only had Ning's camera. Hopefully I will get the pics soon =) Then we went out to the fountain, and took more photos. I guess everyone is feeling a little reflective, perhaps reminiscing a little. After awhile, we hearded over to Ruums. We were initially planning to go to Maison's but I don't know why, the plan changed along the way.

I just danced the hours through. Haha. A little tired right now, but it feels good. Someone called me "perfect dancer". LOL. I think he must have been drunk of something, hehe I can't dance even if my life depended on it lol

Time to sleep =) Dreams are awaiting. It was really an awesome night. =) Cheers!

And exams are ... OVER!!! WHeeEE =)

April 25th 2008. 4pm marks the end of my diploma course. Two years of hard work. Two years of chemistry, biology and mind boggling maths. Two years in KL, the city they told me was "dangerous". Two years worth of experiences, messed up sleep and weird eating habits, of friendship, of laughter, and of tears (well not much). As the invigilator says "pens down" a mixed feeling sweeps over me. Has two years just gone by in a blink of an eye? How many in this room will still be here next semester? How long more will I be here? How much will things change? What will the future bring? Would those who are leaving still be close to us? Would those who are staying ironically drift apart?

I remember once, just before I came here, I made a very quick and last minute decision to enrol in this college. A friend jokingly said, "...." *Pauses* I thought I would remember but I forgot what he said =( I forget so many things in the past. Things that meant something to me. Things that I thought I would never forget. Alas, time and tide washes away some memories that are not encrusted in black and white. I guess people move on and new things leave the old memories locked away in the recesses of the mind. Maybe even irretrievable. Sad as it sounds.

I think I am supposed to be happy. Exams are over. But honestly, this round of final exams didn't feel like an exam period. I just started really studying for today's paper yesterday. And fell asleep along the way. It was a good thing it was an afternoon paper, so I tried to cram some facts today. I think I did ok for last minute work though. =D If I were to put in this kind of effort for the past two years, I would probably never ever be eligible for a scholarship. lol. Now that it's over, it just feels like another day. No more feeling. I guess that is what they mean by desensitization. Too much of something and you just don't feel it anymore.

Oh well, now I am just killing time. Got loads more to do, the two competitions to prepare for. However, I think I deserve this short couple of hours break. Going to go to KLCC Kim Gary for dinner with coursemates and after that head over to Maison's. yay =) something to look forward to. I'm feeling very calm and quiet right now. For once in months, my mind is just void of thoughts. I think it is a good sign. Or it could just mean that my mind is overtired, and it has turned stupid :P I sure hope not though.

Termite swarms

Today, swarms of termites came into the hostel. It has never happened in the 2 years that I have been living here. They swarm towards the light, in a thick frenzy. My roommate and I switched off the lights so that the termites would fly outside to other light sources, then we closed the door and the windows and flipped the lights back on. But the desperate creatures were still getting in through tiny slits at the bottom of the window sills and cracks through the sides of the door. It looked like one of those horror movies where insects turn evil and are coming to eat up your soul and will stop at no cost to get to you. It reminded me of home. KK, my house next to the jungle. Where termite swarms will invade the house seasonally and lose their wings (gave us absolute shock the first time it happened, just the few nights after we shifted in).

Suddenly I had the urge to find out more about them.

So with the wonders of the internet, I googled it... and I found:

These termites swarm at mating season.. they come together in a swarm, are attracted to light, lose their wings, find their partner, and start a new colony.

Nature is really intricate. The termites unite seemingly from nowhere. And in perhaps 30 minutes, we don't see any of them in sight anymore. It was like they suddenly appeared, then suddenly disappeared. Tells me that there is so many things that we don't know about this world. That phenomena so common to these creatures are actually not common knowledge to us. Haha I used to think they come into the house to die, as their wings drop off. Lots actually end up dying in the process. I don't know why yet. Perhaps more read up would tell me.

It is, however extremely late. Gotta get up early to go to college to sign some document before it is faxed out. I didnt study =(

On top of the world

Compliments are like music to our ears, but thread very carefully, you don't want your head to get too swollen =p

Today, an msn conversation really made me feel like all the effort I put into public speaking is really worth it. More about that later.

Yesterday, I was chatting online to a friend about public speaking, and it was quite amusing. I don't remember exactly what I said but said that the most important thing was about meaning what I say, and that I won't talk about something I don't care about because what the mouth says but the heart doesn't feel wouldn't feel right. He said that the best speakers don't tell the truth anyway. And that people don't know whether it is the truth because the best speakers make everything true. I said I wasn't that sort of speaker, even if I was the "best speaker" I wouldn't count myself as the best because it is all pretence. After all, a good speaker can't be convincing unless he convinces himself first. And he then he laughed and said, then how to be the best? =s lolz. Oh well. Maybe I can't be the best, but at least I try my best =) and retain the essence of who I am. To me that is what matters. Who cares about being "the best" when there is no such thing as that. As one of dad's favourite phrases goes, "ren bu ke yi gen ren bi".. or in english, you cannot compare one person with another. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. It's how we deal with who we are and the circumstances and people around us that strengthens our strengths and rectify our weaknesses. In the end it's not what we achieve that matters, but who we are inside. It's not about whats in your CV, but whats in your character. It's not about how many people knows you, but how favourably people who know you think of you. It's about me being me and you being you. It's about keeping it real, and learning every step of the way. That is what makes life worth living.

Anyway, back to what made my day today. Extracts of the msn conversation with Chulan, president of the PSF (Public speaking finalists? or I heard it's now public speaking federation hehe):

Chulan says:

i hope you win in London

Chulan says:

there is sincerity in your voice

Chulan says:

i would love love love to see you in the papers

Chulan says:

then i see that you too are a very humble, nice and down to earth person

WOW. hehe that really made me feel on top of the world. I have never ever received comments that felt so good before. =) It's nice to hear congratulations, or that people enjoyed listening to the speech. But hearing sincerity in my voice? That's like the absolute goal of public speaking, or just ordinary talk for that matter. One that I didn't know people could actually hear out. It makes me feel that public speaking is really worth it, and it is not, as many people might think, a memorised text of something that people would want to hear. It's about bringing across a message that evokes thought and reaches out to people's hearts. In time, I have grown to love the feeling of standing up on stage and talking. When I am standing there, and people are listening, and if the words that I say can control the atmosphere and the emotions of people in the room, then it is, I feel, one of the most satisfying things in this world. =) Thanks Chulan.. really do appreciate what you said. It gives me the motivation to work really hard for the competition in London =) For the number of people who believe in me, I think I am finally starting to believe in myself. I really hope I won't turn into some arrogant, self centered person in the process though. =( There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Too little is not good, but too much is disastrous. I will just try my best =) Thank you all the people who supports me. I really do cherish it =D

I HATE standard procedures

I wasted four hours of my life today. Went to the immigration to make my passport. When I bought the form, I asked if all I needed was my IC and 2 passport sized photos. The man at work looked at me and ignored the question. He took the form, took the one ringgit, and clipped a number then asked me to go elsewhere to wait.

The current number was 1028. My number was 1113. So I waited patiently, just to hand in one stupid form. I wonder why it has to go through so many people. It's just a form, and their standard operation procedures are so inefficient, to put it mildly. But no worries, standard procedure. After all, a passport only takes a few hours to get these days.

Then after 2 hours plus, it finally got to my number. When I went to the counter 5, the man working took a look at my IC and then remarked "ini IC mana? Kamu dari mana?" Then I told him, Sabah. "Ibu bapa mana?" (said in a tone like I'm some illegal immigrant or something. So condescending!) I said Johor. Then he asked for the birth certificate. Whhhaaaattttt!!! I don't have my birth cert here. It's back in Sabah I told him. Is the IC not enough? Then he said need proof of my keturunan. Proof? what proof? Are you saying that a MyKad is not proof enough that I am a citizen of Malaysia? Just because I am a Sabahan with Johorian parents, it makes me, what, STATELESS? Poor me. Fair enough, then I asked if a certified copy will do. He said cannot. He asked me to call home and ask my parents to post my birth cert. Is he crazy? POST my original BIRTH CERTIFICATE?? If it gets lost in the post who is going to be responsible? I won't be stateless then, I'll be nationless. So many problems. If I am born in Sabah with sabah-born parents NO PROBLEM, can use MyKad. If born in semenanjung with semenanjung-born parents, no problem, can use MyKad. But since I am a Sabahan with semenanjung born parents, they insist on my birth certificate as they say they need proof of my keturunan?!! I told them the number of my birth cert, but no, even that in unacceptable. This is just absurd! It's not like I was born on the plane that just so happen to fly over malaysia and then I got a malaysian ID. Some more everything is computerized now. They can just access the database for verification! But oh, its NOT standard procedure.

Then I went away, and remembered the MyKad had a chip. That has all the particulars, doesn't it? So I went back to ask if they could get the proof they want from here. He tell me cannot. I kept asking and asking, in the end he asked me to go next door to the IC department to see if they can get an extract of the birth certificate.

So I went over to the kad pengenalan department, and asked one officer after another. In the end they gave me a number (I don't know for what, there was no queue. Another stupid standard procedure). So I went to ask about extracts and she said that because my birth cert is from sabah department, it cannot be extracted from kl immigration. Which was reasonable. So I asked if she could access what is in the MyKad. And sure enough, all the information of keturunan, including parents name, place of birth (including the clinic), its all inside the chip. Wonderful, don't you think? Apparently not. "Ini tidak boleh print, Data ini private dan confidential" WHHHHhhaatttt!!!

So I went back to the passport department, and I told the officer, the proof keturunan is inside the chip of the MyKad. He said yes he knows but cannot use. MUST USE ORIGINAL BIRTH CERT! Why? What is the use of the chip in the MyKad when you don't even acknowledge the contents? FAILURE!

I was getting very pissed by then. So I decided to go across to the mamak stall opposite for roti kaya and then called dad about the birth cert thing. How the hell am I going to post it?! Cannot take the risk lah, malaysian postal system u think so great ah? Then at the end dad said, ask them if the high court or the immigration department of kk certifies the birth cert will they accept it.

Then I went back to ask. He didn't want to layan me anymore... but in the end he did and said it was ok.

Stupid.

Can't they just say earlier.

Four bloody hours.

I have so much better things to do. I hate the system!

PS. why is a sabah born citizen with west msian parents facing so much nonsense with the immigration?! It's so annoying! KONONNYA we are all citizens of MALAYSIA. The country we are so proud of, a nation united. HAH

interesting

hey... I found this in one of my files.. must have gotten it off the internet sometime ago.. i think i was searching for a topic for presentation for my cell biology during the 1st sem hehe

IF U WERE BACTERIA:

# You can have sex, with males possessing a sexual apparatus for transferring genetic information to receptive females. However, since you are both going 30 mph it is difficult to find each other. Furthermore, if you are male, nature gave you a severe problem. Everytime you mate with a female, she turns into a male. In bacteria, "maleness" is an infective venereal disease.

# Also, at fairly high frequencies, spontaneous mutations cause you to turn into a female.

Friends

Suddenly felt the urge to post something about all of you.

Just to let you know..

If I had to choose gold and friends, I would choose friends.

That is how much I cherish you.

Angel's dust

Swirls of mist so fine, so light. Angel's dust softly sprinkling towards earth, sparkling as it reflects the rays of the sun. Catching the flakes as it drifts softly towards outstretched palms... A sweet reverie, an escape of dreams upon dreams.

A world where strangers are friends, instead of friends being strangers. A world where ties are not swept away by the winds of change. A world where people are intertwined at heart and not separated by prejudice. A world where you are celebrated as you and I am celebrated as me.

Alas, is this merely a fragment of imagination? Standing amongst people, yet alone. So alone. How many people are feeling this way? With the smiles and the laughter, nothing of pretence, but when it quiets down... what is left but emptiness? When the morning dew drips from the morning glory onto the grass below, every drop magnified by the slow motioning of time, I wonder.

to never never land

Never been so busy. Never have eaten so many mangoes in one shot. Never felt so stressed yet so motivated. Life is a series of complications, but in spite of all the hard work and the time constraints, in the end it is all worth it. When you see the fruits of your labour, you'll smile of relief when it's all over, and deep down there you know, its your work, its your effort that made it all possible. As your dreams unfold itself to reality in front of you, you will realise nothing is more satisfying. Nothing is more pleasing. Nothing feels as fulfilling. You deserve it.

When everything screams for priority, and the pressure is there to give them all 100%, sometimes I start to wonder if I am really capable of it all. Today is the last day for me to study for Monday's forensic chemistry and biology exam. Tomorrow, I am heading for a day's workshop for the Young Entrepreneur's Award. Then I'm checking in at Eastin and have the public speaking workshop training camp over the weekends. I'm supposed to have an improved speech by now, but even though I put as much time as I can spare into it, what is there right now is still something that I am not satisfied with. Furthermore, I haven't restructured the speech in my head. It's still the old one, and it just won't do. I'm coming back on Sunday evening. Just enough time to scan through the notes one last time and sit for exam on Monday. Then I have to make my passport the day after. That leaves me with two more days to study for the next exam. After that, I have around a week to prepare for both the international public speaking comp and also the young entrepreneurs award finals. For that, I am sacrificing a class trip to penang. A little sad, but I've been thinking and rethinking about it, and even if I might be able to manage squeezing it in, I would probably die in the process, or at least be exhausted. That's almost akin to being dead, for the competitions require focus, preparation and being alert. Lacking sleep will not be a good thing. Ah. Just had to make further improvements on my speech. It's already 5.37pm. I still need to finish studying today. This is totally CRAZY. Only a superwoman can do all of this and still excel in them. But I can do it. There is no other option.

I have learnt to not doubt myself, because it is with doubt that I lose my footing and I fall. This time, I am older and wiser, and I know that somehow someway I will pull through, and I will give it all that I have. That is what is most important right now at this very moment. It's about putting all my heart into what I do, and the results themselves will show the effort behind. I will not give up. I will not lose the motivation. For once in my life, I will not complain of the stress and the lack of time. I will make it work, and I will make it work well.

I think I'm just trying to convince myself. Whatever.

Stupid clock!!

I woke up on time. 10.10am my alarm clock showed, just right for the 11 am class. So I took my own sweet time, stopping by on the way to talk to a friend, and a lecturer, before popping into EMSD to speak to the lecturer in charge as my final BM paper clashes with the training camp. I'm sure that did not take more than 15 minutes, so I was just in time to go for class. Alas, when I approached the k block, I saw my friends walking away from the classroom. So I called out to them, not going for class? Then they raised their eyebrows and said.. class already over lah. A glance at my handphone tells me is 12 noon. wtf. In my head I remember CLEARLY my alarm was set at 10.10am. I can't possibly have taken over an hour to get to the classroom venue. But my clock in my room was still ticking, that I'm sure of. That spoilt my mood, first thing in this stupid day.

When I came back, I checked the alarm clock to solve the mystery, and oh it IS one hour behind. And I did set it at 10.10am. How the hell did it move itself an hour back I have no idea. The battery? But it's still running like usual.. and six hours (from the time i came back till now), the clock shows no sign of keeping time at a slower pace. So why in the world was it an hour back? I'm sure iet showed the right time the day before. No one would have purposely set it back and hour. Firstly its just absurd. Secondly, I've been in my room the whole day yesterday anyway. Was studying for the online test today till 5.30am. Or maybe it was 6.30 am if the clock was already an hour off. What the hell. Maybe lack of sleep also contributed to this foul mood. It's 11.40pm now and I'm still irritable.

Exam starts next week. I don't know shit. I hate chemistry. I don't give a shit about how to calculate the wavelength of a bloody compound from it's fucking complicated organic structures. I don't know what the syllabus covers. The only thing about drugs that will faintly spark my interest is if you get some for me to test (not on myself, maybe on mice, or you).

Going to genting tomorrow. Skipping class again! Damn. I have been cutting classes more and more. I KNOW I shouldn't have started the habit. Have to make my passport soon. Wanna go to IDP and make inquiries, but friend is going on thursday. Skipping class =( NOOooooo. sigh. I'm too stupid to study on my own. I need to attend lectures.

I hate this internet connection. It is fucking stupid. It can't stay connected. And it IS bloody annoying. And it also annoys people coz my msn signs in and out. Even when I sign in as appear offline, my friend tells me it signs in and out as online. Screw this.

I think my computer is virus infected. AVG can't detect anything.

I slept in the evening. SO i'm awake now. And I should revise.

Ah shit. I hate it when I keep typing I need to study. I need to revise. I'm sure its f-ing annoying to read that too. I know it's annoying when I read it back.

Screw today. The day is unlucky. Oh, and my handphone has been barred today. Hate postpaid. They have to be SOOOO efficient in cutting lines. SHIT lah.

But one good thing came out of today. I got 90% for the online test.

I think I would stop studying chemistry and biology. But that means spending half a decade more learning something else and sitting for MORE stupid redundant exams. Think of all the trees we chop down to make those stupid papers. Wasting the earth's precious resources. For some bloody alphabets. A or B or C or D. Or what-not. POINTLESS. This world's systems are so stupid.

BAh.

Crystallised

When one mentions the word crystallised, what comes to mind may be of beauty and elegance, of brilliant angles that catches the light and reflects the subtleties of the different colours that split in its prisms. But being crystallised is also being trapped, being stoned in a fixed place, unable to move, unable to be free. Being forever prisoner in a palace that is cold and hard, yet oh of what grandeur. As people admire the brilliance of its sparkle, the soul trapped within is encased in everlasting solitude, cut off with cries that fall on deaf ears. The falsity is ubiquitous, the beauty only surface. Crystalline, so tantamount to greatness and yet ironically equivalent to pity. Is this a world of lost hope? Where smiles are merely plastered and laughs are but empty sound waves? How far has this world been crystallised? How long have we seen things with rose coloured glasses? How many a time have we admired the sparkles and forsaken the silent screams? If we can melt the crystals and set free the rigidity that binds the matter, would it be a sacrifice worth it? Or should the mysterious aura of the ones crystallised remain to be admired by the rest with the sacrifice of desolation behind closed doors?