I'm back from hong kong!!

Internet connection has been horrible since I got back. Today's the first time since saturday I could actually open this blog page to type a new post. Loads to catch up on, seeing that I've been slacking for the past month. Had great fun pricking my fingers a couple of times to test my blood type for immunology practical. My blood doesn't flow out very well, I had to poke and repoke and then squeeze the blood out. Then after one round of testing, and after the blood on my finger has clotted and is no longer flowing, I decided I would like to redo the test again just to make sure. So I poked another finger. This time it was the fourth finger. Its supposedly less painful (yeah right), but also I think the skin is slightly thicker so one or two pricks weren't enough. I then twisted the knife/pin/whatever you call it I don't really know till there was enough blood for me to do the test. Ouch. Apparently my blood type is B. I always thought it was O.

Hong Kong was amazingly awesome! I'll blog about it in detail with pics as soon as I have the time. Mwahahaha we were such posers, I have tons of photographs. Still some more in other cams. I'm in such a great mood today because my article was published in the star in stuff@school. I thought it was only for sec sch student subscribers, but its in our newspapers too! yay! =) Nevertheless have loads of things to finish today, will update as soon as I find the time to do so. Cheerio for now. I promise I WILL post up the hk pics =)

When can you let go of insecurities?

"You are what you are.. be proud of it. When you start thinking like that, you'll be a better person. A person who doesn't always compare." These words are repeating themselves in my mind. Yeah I know, the same friend who told me for a different situation under different circumstances that "Who cares? What matters is who you are. Who you are. Remember that."

I recall one of dad's favourite phrases in chinese "ren bu ke yi gen ren bi". Translated it means you cannot compare one person to another. There is a second part to that saying, which I forgot. I guess I would have to ask and edit this entry soon. Anyway, everyone is different, and we all have our strengths and weaknesses. So don't compare yourself with someone else, or compare two different people. I do acknowledge this, but as confident as I might seem to people who don't know me, the truth is, I am the exact opposite sometimes. Looks can be deceiving so never judge a book by its cover. In my head, my alter ego still screams "I don't think you are good enough."

I wonder if I can somehow draw the confidence from within myself. I admit, I am hesitant. Not because I don't know what I want, but because I really don't wanna screw things up this time around. I am afraid because I can't read minds. A science student is meticulous about evidence and less so with intuition. Pseudoscience, that is what is is scoffed as being. Feelings, intuition, reading minds. They are all so uncertain, so unfamiliar. I am tentatively going to test the waters. I hope I don't get eaten by a shark.

Happy =D

I've done everything that I'm supposed to do, so I am feeling very pleased with myself at the moment. I have only one last task to complete tomorrow, complete the 500-600 word then-now essay, and that would finish things off nicely before I go on my much awaited trip. =D

I'm in an awesomely good mood right now, it used to come by rarely but lately I've just felt that everything falls nicely into place, and just living day to day feels all warm and nice. I also realise that my vocabulary for good things are so limited, and that the word "nice" tends to be overused because I cannot think of any other substitute. I think I write better when I'm emo. =p

Went to the gym for the first time ever today. lol. I guess this year constitutes lots of "firsts". First time going international, first time in the gym, first time this and that. Positive firsts. =D Which is great. Just taking a moment to think of all the things I have attempted as a college student, and yes indeed life does feel fulfilling. I have learnt a lot. =)

I've also had damn good conversations lately. Sometimes its just so rare to be able to connect with someone so naturally that when you find you are able to, it just feels really nice. =D =D =D and I mean really really really nice.

Damn I sure need to brush up my vocab. Knowing only sad, dark, sombre, melancholic adjectives doesn't really help when I'm trying to express happiness and contentment. I really am happy right now. Really truly happy.

In college

Almost everyone went to replace stereochem/kinetics practical today as today's biochem's lab session has been cancelled. I am not in the mood to listen to one hour of talk and 2 hours of mixing noxious chemicals that probably is insidiously killing me. So I am in the CITC (comp center) right now, with the ever so slow connection. Need to print some "proof" to be able to apply for leave for next week. Hong Kong!!! Hong Kong!!! Hong Kong!!! hahahaha

My internet has been horribly mean to me =( For the past two days I could hardly go online. Today I am relatively free, so I am for once going to be doing all my work and FINISHING them instead of further procrastination. If I set my mind to something I can actually finish it relatively fast. The only problem is I always tend to wander around when the situation isn't pressing.

I'm bored. I think I would go and print the documents now and then go back and sleep. Erm I mean go back and complete the lab reports and assignment. haha maybe a bit of the former first though. x_x

A post long overdue

Let's liven things up a bit alrights? This blog is getting a tad bit too depressing.

Here are some pics from our last celebration as diploma students. Klcc + Ruums

In Kim Gary. There was a whole bunch of us, its just that I'm too lazy to post them up =p

At KLCC park. Just lepak-ing.

Tracey and I

This is our gang!! haha ban yeng mwahahah

Siew Lee and I

RUUMS!!!

The girls =)

Course rep (Ning) n I

Tracey and I

Cheers!

Damn lazy to do a proper post. Let the pictures paint their thousand words. I am STILL sniffing =( Looks like my immune system isn't that awesome after all.

I feel SICK

eSob sob

Planned to stay over at Tracey's place today but all of a sudden my nose starts to clog up, my throat starts to hurt, my stomach twists in spasms and I start to feel feverish. Almost the whole gang was here today to celebrate Ya Peng's belated bday, and I wanted to share around the bottle of chocolate/coffee layered liquor that I bought from the airport the other day. It was good, although a tad bit too sweet. Went swimming in the evening just now, even though I could feel a slight sniffle coming up. I ignored it because I really felt like going into the pool today. Another one of my stubborn "you asked for it" things. It started drizzling the moment I stepped out of the changing room to the pool but who cares. I've already paid RM1.50 for the ticket. So I swam and I was still feeling fine when I went over to Melati Utama. Somewhere after eating cake and going to Mc D for dinner, I started to feel a bit woozy. I don't think anyone noticed, but I was exceptionally quiet today. No, I was not being emo, I could just feel that I was going to get sick. Sure enough, back in the apartment after a few drinks of ice cold stuff, I felt awful. I mean, it tasted really good but somehow it just offset the imminent attack on my immune system =( I seldom get sick. They asked if I wanted any medicine. LOL. Yeah, if you know me, you know how I stay off medicine till I have to take some. It's just paranoia coupled with my theory of desensitization of drugs and how if you take them all the time they won't work as effectively, so better save it till you have to. I went to the room to just lie down for awhile while I let my white blood cells do their work. Didn't get much better, and they were leaving so instead of staying over like I planned, I'm back in my own room right now. When I came in the door of my hostel room, I was slammed by this absolute stuffiness that I really cannot stand. DAMNNIIITTTTTTT there is no ventilation at all because the windows are all closed. My roommate is sleeping inside. =( I know I closed them when I left because it looked like it was about to rain, but the windows CAN be opened without asking!!!! It doesn't matter how fast you turn your fan up or if there are extra fans... if both the window and door are closed, there is no ventilation!!!! What is it with people, can't they sleep with proper airflow? I am breathing fresh air from the window right now. Feeling a little bit better because I had to walk in from the guard house to my room (the guard wouldn't let the car through), and it did make me perspire a little, so I guess the slight fever has subsided. My nose still feels clogged and my throat still hurts. The room is a little less stuffy now with the windows opened and curtains drawn. I felt tired just now yet I can't sleep now, coz probably the drink was too sweet. I can't drink sweet drinks at night, I'm never able to fall asleep. Too much sugar.

*sniff sniff* I hope I wake up tmr cured.

Yeah my immune system is supposedly that good mwahahahaha

Gonna try to sleep.

Guitar strings

My neglected strings.. today I took out the guitar that has been collecting dust under my bed and lovingly strummed and plucked its strings.

This photo was taken a whole year and the half ago, back when I was extra enthusiastic about learning how to play. Today, my fingers have softened and the nerves are as sensitive as it was before I picked up the guitar. Just strumming for half an hour, the pitch a bit out because I cannot tune it back in tune without my tuner (so lousy lah me) hurts my fingers. Yet again I feel the same old satisfaction of how the slight numbing of the tips of my fingers coupled with the sweet sound of the strings comfort me. Who cares if it is a few notches out of tune. Just reminiscing the times of fervent enthusiasm. Where has that gone to?

Torn

Can you make sense of the swirling thoughts in your head as you try to gather them together? The conflicting emotions inside of you doesn't know what to make out of itself. Everything is just within the depths of your thoughts, its nothing more than mere imagination. Imagination has no power when it is intangible in reality. In a moment there's a rush of absolute natural high, then in the next moment, as a sentence is written, its an instantaneous crash. And you realise something has gone away and will never return. You know all these while it will slip away and you know it has been slipping away, and you have come to terms with that. But realising that it is not just slipping away but it has gone away, suddenly you miss it. And in the spasms of realisation, you are torn, torn. Torn within your thoughts and knowing you are just living within the happy boundaries of what the world sees as your life, yet knowing that somewhere within you lies parallel with the sad but beautiful song that is playing in your earphones. I always speak in the 2nd person, simply because I haven't come to terms with using "I". These thoughts are like a second voice resounding in my mind, telling me for all you've been doing, you're just trying to mask your insecurities by all the so called achievements. What is that really? What are you trying to prove? Who are you trying to prove yourself to? I don't think it's anyone else more than yourself. It won't mean a thing, if you don't remember what the whole process is for. It's not about getting there. It's about letting go. It's about moving on. It's about leaving the past behind.

Worth it? What is worth it? Is anything at all that is intangible worth it?

The voices in my head doesn't want to shut up and go to sleep. With all the I's and the U's, it is just a matter of time before I drive "u" (who is me) crazy.

From a drizzle, to sunshine to torrential storms

It rains every single DAY!! I have had it, I think basketball and me just aren't fated to be =p It's either I FORGET to go till they wanna go back, or when I do go there in time, there are just too many people to play. Ah well, I'm lousy at it anyway.

It's raining again right now. Night has fallen and I am in my hostel room, slacking. My biochemistry lab manual and half done practical report and graph is sprawled all over my desk, but I just don't feel like completing the task at hand. Watching the angry flashes of lightning against a reddish grey sky and listening to the ferocious drumming of huge raindrops upon the windowsill, my mind wanders off.

In the dryness and comfort of my room, a melody long forgotten plays itself in my head. Ghost of you and me "Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow, I can't let go. When will this night be over?". I don't have the song in my comp, its quite an old song, and I can't find the cd that has this song, perhaps its back home in kk. Yet its sadness seems to go perfectly well with the melancholy of today's skies. I you-tubed the song, and there it is. While waiting for the song to load with my every unstable internet connection, the lines play over and over in my head and my tongue sings along softly.